New Beginnings

I used to write a blog. It's now rather archaic, and I'm quite embarrassed by it. I used it as a journal that anyone on the internet could read. I suppose this was back when blogs were just nascent, so I can't be judged too harshly.

I'm at a much different stage in my life now. You could call it a renaissance of sorts. I'm rediscovering a great deal - myself, the world, meaning, family, friends, lovers - and unfortunately for me, these revelations get me down from time to time. I often feel a general malaise about my current condition, and this feeling is relatively new to me. I always used to consider myself an optimistic, lighthearted person who could let things slide off his shoulders and thus seldom worry. I guess "real life" has set in.

And that's exactly what I want to blog about: my life. Certainly not in the way my first blog worked -- a day-to-day accounting of events -- but rather through an amalgam of musings that are hopefully a bit more analytical, and perhaps more meaningful. I would guess I'm not alone with these thoughts. Therefore, I welcome comments and discussion. I hope my writing will prove thought-provoking and perhaps even inspiring, although that is not my purpose. I invite you to comment, discuss, and ponder along with me! I've been told that I have interesting things to say. I don't pretend to be wise, because wisdom can only come with age, but I am definitely a deep thinker. This gets me into trouble. Maybe I'll write about that someday.

But right now, since I'm just starting anew ... again ... I find it only fitting to write a bit about Life. The meaning of human life for me? Society. Relationships. Learning, discovering, creating in tandem with others, hopefully for the better. Life ultimately means what you want it to mean. The more you give, the more you get. Its inherent value comes from our ignorance of whether or not there is more to life than what we have here in front of our eyes. So do something great with your life if you can. You might only have one chance.

When does "real life" start? When I was younger, it seemed to me that life would start after school ended, and that was always a ways off. This was a magical time when everything became clear. The future would be much more certain. Actual decisions would be made. Things would happen. A lot of people postpone that time by attending graduate school, earning higher degrees, staying in academia as long as possible, living with ideas and scholars and research and books. I don't know if I'd ever have the patience to earn anything greater than a Master's Degree. I also don't know for what end I would do so. Prestige? Intellectual fulfillment?

But even after college and graduate school and post-docs and residencies and clerkships (all of these things seem to postpone life), "real life" still may not start. Will we ever really know what we want to do? I definitely do not. I thought I did. I thought I had it all figured out (twice), and then, as they say, life intervened. Things happened. Turned out I wasn't so sure about everything. Clarity disappeared. I lost faith in a lot of people and things. Is this what it means to grow up? Is this when life begins -- when you discover that there is no clear cut answer to anything?

There is no magic moment when "real life" begins. Life started a long time ago, and it's going on right now! Seize the present moment and do something grand with it. All those clichés mean something: carpe diem; no time like the present; yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; etc. The only time we can control (if we can control anything... but free will is a whole other issue) is right now, so take advantage of every moment you possibly can. "Real life" starts when you are there marred in it, conscious that it's happening as you breathe. During life, nothing is ever completely finished or decided. There are always second chances. Life begins anew every day, every hour, every moment. We seem to lose sight of this very easily, and to our detriment.

We also have this notion that we are the same people from birth until death. We have the same name, same family, same (immutable?) personality, same interests, same basic abilities... But in reality, we are necessarily different people over the span of life! We learn, we grow, we change, we have new thoughts and experiences, we meet new people, we move around... If we let ourselves, that is.

So if "real life" never actually starts (at least not in the way we think it should because of social constructs or the media or whatever foists this fallacy upon us), we have to realize that we can do basically anything we want to do, and at any time. That's at once exhilarating and mortifying. There is no one out there giving you permission to go ahead with your scheme. Why should I stay [ever] at my current job? Why should I [ever] stay in my current city? Complacency is easy, but it's also dangerous because it can be extremely comforting and thus enticing. But when you can finally see that life starts again with every decision you make, you start to look at complacency and comfort in a different light. As much as I love being comfortable, I am not willing to let life happen to me. I want to make life happen for me.

So let's begin. Let's make it happen!