Listening to another's story -- how s/he came to be the person s/he is now -- is quite possibly one of the most scintillating experiences one can enjoy on this earth. I experienced it in my secret society (oooooooooh!) at college; I've experienced it in coffee shops with close friends; I've experienced it by reading memoirs and biographies and autobiographies. I've experienced it through my parents and my brother. Each time, I was riveted. I continue to be thus enraptured by what other people have to say about the most common (yet shared) topics. Somehow, I feel that our culture does not allow for much time for sharing.
There is something magical, mystical, about attempting to connect at such a deep, albeit impenetrable level with another human being. Even just grazing the surface of shared struggles/thoughts/existences with another is so invigorating!
Knowing that you're not alone is quite comforting.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Vacating
I'm on vacation. It's so nice. It's the first true vacation I think I've taken in almost four years. Yeah, I've taken breaks, I've gone places, I've visited people, but I've never thought of those excursions as vacations. I am currently in Florida, and I've literally vacated my routine life and self. I write today about why true vacation is so critical.
Vacation literally means "emptying." I came here without anything I normally keep with me at this time of year (notebooks, grading, winter clothes) and brought stuff I would never dream of using back at home (books, suntan lotion, my iPod, gym clothes). I am allowing myself to leave normalcy behind for a while and truly bask in the glory of things unplanned. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I have no to-do list. I also have no friends here except for the people with whom I'm staying, and they have their own agenda. I'm just along for the ride.
So I've been going through old e-mails, writing to and reconnecting with old friends, watching forwarded movies from TED (or Youtube) that I haven't had occasion to watch, reading books that have been sitting on my bedside table for years, reading articles that have been open in tabs in my browser for God knows how long, flossing before bed(!), seeing theatre, taking walks on the beach, just conversing without a care for what's next or worrying where I have to be in an hour. I feel free.
Vacation seems to give us the permission to do things in a different way, to shake things up a bit... Or it allows us - somehow - to give ourselves that permission. It's a special time.
I've been on a quest recently to rediscover what makes me passionate, and taking a real vacation is a perfect way to do so because it puts perspective on the life in which I am marred. If we take time to extricate ourselves from what we always do, we "remember" that things don't necessarily have to be that way. Then, thoughts turn naturally to figuring out how we can replicate this feeling back in "real life." I think the answer is simpler than it seems: just do it! Give yourself permission, occasionally, to take a real break.
I realized that I do actually give myself mini-vacations sometimes. For example, two weekends ago, between performances of a show, I had mistakenly left myself two hours of unstructured time. I had nothing with me -- no books, no papers, nothing -- and I didn't have time to go home and come back without spending all of it in transit. I was at a loss, so I went to a nearby pub, sat at the bar alone, and thought. Believe it or not, I hadn't thought much since college, at least not in the "deep" sense. Back then, all I did was think all day, seeing as I was a philosophy major. I took some napkins and began to write what came to my head.
Life is...
what you make of it
short
unique
special
one-time(?)
worth it
hard
important(?)
interesting
people & things
money
sad
everything
yours. mine.
long
paradoxical
meaningful & meaningless
what you make of it -- what you think
what others make of it for you
inspiring
fun
beautiful
to be shared
cyclical
simple & complex
I want...
to be myself -- and different
happiness
love
pleasure
to help people
to inspire people; to be inspired
to be known
to give back to my family
to feel loved and appreciated
to have a family of my own
to make beauty
to be proud of myself and what I do -- to feel satisfied
to do something important
I love...
music
languages
my family
thinking, analyzing
writing
beauty
crying -- emotion, FEELING
honesty
goodness
good food & drink
laughing
working hard
compliments
sleeping
making lists
being thought highly of
discussion
planning and seeing plans come through
I need...
to have self-confidence
food, water, and shelter
to be satisfied with myself
to have both a serious (responsible) and lighthearted (irresponsible) side
friends & family
money
inspiration, stimulation, motivation -- meaning
to be independent -- happy with my own decisions and for my own reasons
to be responsible -- to myself & to others
I had forgotten how much I enjoy just pondering things. In my life now, I don't really have time to ponder because I'm (necessarily) so practical. Get up, eat, go to work, grade, go to rehearsal, go to bed. Do it again. But if you stop thinking -- deeply -- then you quickly lose sight of your priorities, and you risk becoming complacent and forgetting about what you really want out of life. It's dangerous, and it's unfortunately condoned by our society. Security is paramount. Risk taking and forward thinking, while nice in theory, always fail in practice.
But to me, there's no other way to live than to follow your heart. Even when it's hard to hear what it's saying. And you won't ever hear unless you stop to listen.
Vacation literally means "emptying." I came here without anything I normally keep with me at this time of year (notebooks, grading, winter clothes) and brought stuff I would never dream of using back at home (books, suntan lotion, my iPod, gym clothes). I am allowing myself to leave normalcy behind for a while and truly bask in the glory of things unplanned. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I have no to-do list. I also have no friends here except for the people with whom I'm staying, and they have their own agenda. I'm just along for the ride.
So I've been going through old e-mails, writing to and reconnecting with old friends, watching forwarded movies from TED (or Youtube) that I haven't had occasion to watch, reading books that have been sitting on my bedside table for years, reading articles that have been open in tabs in my browser for God knows how long, flossing before bed(!), seeing theatre, taking walks on the beach, just conversing without a care for what's next or worrying where I have to be in an hour. I feel free.
Vacation seems to give us the permission to do things in a different way, to shake things up a bit... Or it allows us - somehow - to give ourselves that permission. It's a special time.
I've been on a quest recently to rediscover what makes me passionate, and taking a real vacation is a perfect way to do so because it puts perspective on the life in which I am marred. If we take time to extricate ourselves from what we always do, we "remember" that things don't necessarily have to be that way. Then, thoughts turn naturally to figuring out how we can replicate this feeling back in "real life." I think the answer is simpler than it seems: just do it! Give yourself permission, occasionally, to take a real break.
I realized that I do actually give myself mini-vacations sometimes. For example, two weekends ago, between performances of a show, I had mistakenly left myself two hours of unstructured time. I had nothing with me -- no books, no papers, nothing -- and I didn't have time to go home and come back without spending all of it in transit. I was at a loss, so I went to a nearby pub, sat at the bar alone, and thought. Believe it or not, I hadn't thought much since college, at least not in the "deep" sense. Back then, all I did was think all day, seeing as I was a philosophy major. I took some napkins and began to write what came to my head.
Life is...
what you make of it
short
unique
special
one-time(?)
worth it
hard
important(?)
interesting
people & things
money
sad
everything
yours. mine.
long
paradoxical
meaningful & meaningless
what you make of it -- what you think
what others make of it for you
inspiring
fun
beautiful
to be shared
cyclical
simple & complex
I want...
to be myself -- and different
happiness
love
pleasure
to help people
to inspire people; to be inspired
to be known
to give back to my family
to feel loved and appreciated
to have a family of my own
to make beauty
to be proud of myself and what I do -- to feel satisfied
to do something important
I love...
music
languages
my family
thinking, analyzing
writing
beauty
crying -- emotion, FEELING
honesty
goodness
good food & drink
laughing
working hard
compliments
sleeping
making lists
being thought highly of
discussion
planning and seeing plans come through
I need...
to have self-confidence
food, water, and shelter
to be satisfied with myself
to have both a serious (responsible) and lighthearted (irresponsible) side
friends & family
money
inspiration, stimulation, motivation -- meaning
to be independent -- happy with my own decisions and for my own reasons
to be responsible -- to myself & to others
I had forgotten how much I enjoy just pondering things. In my life now, I don't really have time to ponder because I'm (necessarily) so practical. Get up, eat, go to work, grade, go to rehearsal, go to bed. Do it again. But if you stop thinking -- deeply -- then you quickly lose sight of your priorities, and you risk becoming complacent and forgetting about what you really want out of life. It's dangerous, and it's unfortunately condoned by our society. Security is paramount. Risk taking and forward thinking, while nice in theory, always fail in practice.
But to me, there's no other way to live than to follow your heart. Even when it's hard to hear what it's saying. And you won't ever hear unless you stop to listen.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Some R&R: Random Ruminations
Here I am, stranded inside on this fourth snow day in four weeks, grading papers, occasionally venturing outside to break some ice, drinking hot coffee, responding to e-mails, tooling around on facebook, and contemplating life. I've just reconnected with some old friends who have moved into the area, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them soon and catching up on what they've been doing in the past few years.
I signed into Blogger just now only to discover that the whole interface has been changed into Chinese characters. Although I must have done this myself, I have no recollection. It was jarring to say the least! Thank goodness I can figure out what everything says. Not sure what I want to write about today... only that I want to write. We'll see what comes out. Probably nothing with any sort of continuity.
I received some wonderful feedback on my last post on growing up. One observation was made by a good friend of mine who is now retired. He told me that my observations would be verified if I ever had the "privilege" to teach adults. "They tend to sit in the back of the room, avoiding to any degree possible the front rows; some are prepared and most are not for whatever the given lesson is; excuses for lack of preparedness differ little in essence from what a younger student will offer; by the end of the term, most will have disappeared, which would be true of children as well, had we not laws to prohibit such. There is also a saying in administration that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and the other 80% of the people do the remaining 20% of the work. As you become more politically aware ... you'll see all of this in action. Very interesting, and occasionally very disheartening."
Another verification came when I went to renew my parking pass in Cambridge. It was set to expire on January 31, and I had been remiss in going to the City Hall Annex until... you guessed it! ... January 31. I had my excuses -- rehearsals or other obligations every day after school -- which prevented me from coming earlier. Of course, as I expected, there was an enormously long line which snaked all the way around the bottom floor and up to the top floor where it started. I stood in line for two hours along with everyone else. I came prepared with lots to do (phone calls to make, emails to write, papers to correct) because I anticipated the wait. But I was surprised to see how many people walked through that door veritably astonished that the line was as long as it was, and their various reactions of anger, frustration, and consternation only made me laugh. "It's your own fault!" I wanted to say. "Stop complaining and suck it up!" But I kept quiet.
My life changed suddenly a few days back when I actually took a moment to research astronomer Parke Kunkle's assertion that, due to changes in the Earth's alignment, the dates of many zodiac signs have changed. In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. Kunkle says that as the Earth and Sun slowly move the signs gradually change, as expected. The change didn't happen overnight either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth's position in relation to the sun has changed. I used to be OBSESSED with astrology when I was younger, and I am a Cancer through and through. You can imagine the shock and horror zapping through my body as I read that I have actually always been a Gemini. My whole reality crumbled before me. My runes and tarot cards suddenly lost their meaning. I freaked out.
I hope you have noticed my sarcasm.
I used to pray every day, multiple times a day. I used to make an effort to go to church every day at least once. What I do miss about that lifestyle is the time for self-reflection and introspection that it automatically afforded me. Meditation in any form certainly has its perks, and I have been trying to recapture some of that time by writing this blog. It's difficult, though, in this day and age where everything happens so fast and so immediately. I still go to church, but now it's my job to lead music for Masses, so I am compelled to go by other (financial) reasons. I certainly don't get as much out of the ceremonies as I used to. Nietzsche and Hegel and Kant made me consider alternatives to God that I had never entertained before, and I have not yet gone back. I think the only way I would ever be able to rekindle my former beliefs is by taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith once again. I am not ready to do that just yet. But I do love what Kierkegaard has to say: "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." "Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all." "Boredom is the root of all evil -- the despairing refusal to be oneself." "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
How much of "success" comprises passive dealings with your universe, and how much of success has to do with seizing the day and taking your own initiative? I used to believe that it was much more the former and much less the later, but now I'm not so sure. How can you ever know what you want to do? If you build up expectations of what your life is going to be like, you're much more likely to be ultimately disappointed. If you go with the flow, then everything that happens is perfect.
We tend to operate under the faulty assumption that we have an indefinite amount of time on earth. There will always be time for ___ later. Daily routines like eating breakfast are mundane to us. But in truth we should try to make each moment extraordinary and artful. Our life is one big sculpture, and every part we work changes the whole. Maybe that's why I do SO MUCH: I don't want to miss out on anything.
Try to see the world from the perspective of having already lived and died. Life is so precious and delicate... I feel so extremely lucky to be here on this earth. I am so thankful to be the person I am and to do the things I do, to know the people I know, to love those I love, to be able to experience emotions and see movies and think about philosophy and contemplate the meaning of this existence... and too many people nowadays rush through life without thanking their stars for the opportunity of a lifetime -- LITERALLY! They don't appreciate their lives, they don't appreciate other people, they don't appreciate that ups and downs are part of what makes life beautiful. They are self-centered and conceited, not necessarily maliciously or consciously, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and their experiences that they fail to truly see the other. And I find that sad. I think part of my mission in life is to make people realize that the world is more than they are.
Most of life is practical, though. You gotta eat, you gotta earn money, you gotta take care of your friends and family and loved ones, you gotta make sure to take care of yourself. Maybe the elusive answer is simply to try different things until you figure out what makes you happy. As Nike used to say, "Just do it!"
I signed into Blogger just now only to discover that the whole interface has been changed into Chinese characters. Although I must have done this myself, I have no recollection. It was jarring to say the least! Thank goodness I can figure out what everything says. Not sure what I want to write about today... only that I want to write. We'll see what comes out. Probably nothing with any sort of continuity.
I received some wonderful feedback on my last post on growing up. One observation was made by a good friend of mine who is now retired. He told me that my observations would be verified if I ever had the "privilege" to teach adults. "They tend to sit in the back of the room, avoiding to any degree possible the front rows; some are prepared and most are not for whatever the given lesson is; excuses for lack of preparedness differ little in essence from what a younger student will offer; by the end of the term, most will have disappeared, which would be true of children as well, had we not laws to prohibit such. There is also a saying in administration that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and the other 80% of the people do the remaining 20% of the work. As you become more politically aware ... you'll see all of this in action. Very interesting, and occasionally very disheartening."
Another verification came when I went to renew my parking pass in Cambridge. It was set to expire on January 31, and I had been remiss in going to the City Hall Annex until... you guessed it! ... January 31. I had my excuses -- rehearsals or other obligations every day after school -- which prevented me from coming earlier. Of course, as I expected, there was an enormously long line which snaked all the way around the bottom floor and up to the top floor where it started. I stood in line for two hours along with everyone else. I came prepared with lots to do (phone calls to make, emails to write, papers to correct) because I anticipated the wait. But I was surprised to see how many people walked through that door veritably astonished that the line was as long as it was, and their various reactions of anger, frustration, and consternation only made me laugh. "It's your own fault!" I wanted to say. "Stop complaining and suck it up!" But I kept quiet.
My life changed suddenly a few days back when I actually took a moment to research astronomer Parke Kunkle's assertion that, due to changes in the Earth's alignment, the dates of many zodiac signs have changed. In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. Kunkle says that as the Earth and Sun slowly move the signs gradually change, as expected. The change didn't happen overnight either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth's position in relation to the sun has changed. I used to be OBSESSED with astrology when I was younger, and I am a Cancer through and through. You can imagine the shock and horror zapping through my body as I read that I have actually always been a Gemini. My whole reality crumbled before me. My runes and tarot cards suddenly lost their meaning. I freaked out.
I hope you have noticed my sarcasm.
I used to pray every day, multiple times a day. I used to make an effort to go to church every day at least once. What I do miss about that lifestyle is the time for self-reflection and introspection that it automatically afforded me. Meditation in any form certainly has its perks, and I have been trying to recapture some of that time by writing this blog. It's difficult, though, in this day and age where everything happens so fast and so immediately. I still go to church, but now it's my job to lead music for Masses, so I am compelled to go by other (financial) reasons. I certainly don't get as much out of the ceremonies as I used to. Nietzsche and Hegel and Kant made me consider alternatives to God that I had never entertained before, and I have not yet gone back. I think the only way I would ever be able to rekindle my former beliefs is by taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith once again. I am not ready to do that just yet. But I do love what Kierkegaard has to say: "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." "Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all." "Boredom is the root of all evil -- the despairing refusal to be oneself." "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
How much of "success" comprises passive dealings with your universe, and how much of success has to do with seizing the day and taking your own initiative? I used to believe that it was much more the former and much less the later, but now I'm not so sure. How can you ever know what you want to do? If you build up expectations of what your life is going to be like, you're much more likely to be ultimately disappointed. If you go with the flow, then everything that happens is perfect.
We tend to operate under the faulty assumption that we have an indefinite amount of time on earth. There will always be time for ___ later. Daily routines like eating breakfast are mundane to us. But in truth we should try to make each moment extraordinary and artful. Our life is one big sculpture, and every part we work changes the whole. Maybe that's why I do SO MUCH: I don't want to miss out on anything.
Try to see the world from the perspective of having already lived and died. Life is so precious and delicate... I feel so extremely lucky to be here on this earth. I am so thankful to be the person I am and to do the things I do, to know the people I know, to love those I love, to be able to experience emotions and see movies and think about philosophy and contemplate the meaning of this existence... and too many people nowadays rush through life without thanking their stars for the opportunity of a lifetime -- LITERALLY! They don't appreciate their lives, they don't appreciate other people, they don't appreciate that ups and downs are part of what makes life beautiful. They are self-centered and conceited, not necessarily maliciously or consciously, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and their experiences that they fail to truly see the other. And I find that sad. I think part of my mission in life is to make people realize that the world is more than they are.
Most of life is practical, though. You gotta eat, you gotta earn money, you gotta take care of your friends and family and loved ones, you gotta make sure to take care of yourself. Maybe the elusive answer is simply to try different things until you figure out what makes you happy. As Nike used to say, "Just do it!"
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Growing up
I've gotten a lot of comments lately regarding the length of time that's passed since my last post. FYI, a month or so in my life does NOT feel like a long time. So much has happened in typical whirlwind fashion since December 8, 2010.
Truthfully, when I started this blog, I promised myself that I could not feel beholden to my readership when writing. I would only write when I felt inspired to do so, when I had something to say. While part of me is flattered that you look forward to reading my words with such anticipation (don't give me a big head, please!), another part of me says, "Remember, this is for you just as much as it is for them." So I at once apologize for the delay and feel no remorse for it. I was extremely busy and had other matters to attend to - including sleep. Writing blog posts at 1 am is not a habit I'd like to maintain.You see, Christmastime is a very busy one in the life of a church musician. I also agreed to play four mini-musicals for "Directing the Musical" students at Emerson College, so I had rehearsals up the wazoo. I had also started music directing Willy Wonka at the middle school in my district, held a murder mystery party in my home for my work colleagues (to great success and acclaim!), had a slew of auditions for Annie, inducted 5 students into the National Chinese Honor Society for the first time in the history of my school, saw friends who were home for the holidays, performed at my grandmother's nursing home... And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I also went through a depressive spell (story of my life this year, it seems), but I'm feeling much better now. Wonka is about to perform, Christmastime is over, Annie just started rehearsals, I'll probably take a year off from teaching next year, and I'm looking to start a theatre company. So that's a little peek into my life.
And it brings me to the topic for today: adulthood. I think part of my recent malaise has had to do with the realization that I'm slowly entering adulthood. I don't like being burdened by responsibility. I don't like going to bed early. Like Alice (yes, Alice in Wonderland), I rebel against growing up. I do like having freedom, though, and money. Adults, I find, are really just older children with power. I remember sitting down at the lunch table for the first time at school with a bunch of adult colleagues and feeling totally out of place. As I listened to their conversation, though, I noticed that it didn't differ much at all from the type of discussion I might have had with my friends at college in the dining hall. They were gossiping, talking about their lives, discussing politics, telling each other about their plans for the weekend.
So what does it mean to be an adult? Obviously, like real life, there's no particular time you can point to and say "there it is!" I'm 26 years old, and I don't feel like an adult. But I guess I am. I have to be -- I'm a teacher! It's a choice; it's a mindset.
There are certain telltale signs.
1. Making your own decisions without feeling affected or burdened by other people's opinions of those decisions.
2. Setting aside childish ways -- bullying, trickery, etc.
3. Taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them.
4. Realizing and embracing that there are no boundaries set for you from the outside; you have total freedom.
5. Understanding the appreciating the difference between short-term and long-term (goals, decisions, plans, what have you).
But in the end, it's your choice to grow up. And philosophically, talking about freedom, there's the classic "freedom to" and "freedom from" dilemma. As an adult, you are free in that you can (i.e. have the capacity to) eat healthfully, be financially responsible, dress nicely, floss, service your vehicle regularly, etc. But you could also just as well eat candy for breakfast, go to sleep late, drink too much, fail to keep track of your finances, play hours of video games a day and shirk your other responsibilities, etc. How about this: I'm an adult when I need to be. Hah! Maybe that's the key: showing enough forethought and consideration that you can adapt to the various situations in which you find yourself.
I haven't decided whether or not I like being an adult. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. And I think that's OK. It's inevitable.
My all-time favorite musical, Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along, includes a song called "Growing Up." I love it. And if you haven't seen this musical, you must. I'll leave you with the (pertinent) lyrics and a link to the song on Youtube.
...
So, old friends, now it's time to start growing up.
Taking charge, seeing things as they are.
Facing facts, not escaping them,
Still with dreams, just reshaping them.
Growing up.
...
Every road has a turning
that's the way you keep learning.
So, old friends, don't you see we can have it all,
moving on, getting out of the past?
Solving dreams, not just trusting them,
taking dreams, readjusting them,
growing up, growing up.
Trying things, being flexible, bending with the road,
adding dreams when the others don't last.
Growing up, understanding that growing never ends.
Like old dreams,
some old dreams,
like old friends.
Life is knowing what you want, darling.
That's the only thing to know.
As I told you moons ago, darling,
nothing wrong with wanting.
...
Growing up means admitting the things you want the most.
Can't pursue every possible line.
Folding tents, making choices,
ignoring all over voices, including mine.
You're divine.
You decide on what you want, darling,
not on what you think you should.
Not on what you want to want, darling,
Not from force of habit.
Once it's clearly understood, darling, better go and grab it.
Things can slip away for good, darling, what is it you really... hm?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHwi_ISg2ZQ
Truthfully, when I started this blog, I promised myself that I could not feel beholden to my readership when writing. I would only write when I felt inspired to do so, when I had something to say. While part of me is flattered that you look forward to reading my words with such anticipation (don't give me a big head, please!), another part of me says, "Remember, this is for you just as much as it is for them." So I at once apologize for the delay and feel no remorse for it. I was extremely busy and had other matters to attend to - including sleep. Writing blog posts at 1 am is not a habit I'd like to maintain.You see, Christmastime is a very busy one in the life of a church musician. I also agreed to play four mini-musicals for "Directing the Musical" students at Emerson College, so I had rehearsals up the wazoo. I had also started music directing Willy Wonka at the middle school in my district, held a murder mystery party in my home for my work colleagues (to great success and acclaim!), had a slew of auditions for Annie, inducted 5 students into the National Chinese Honor Society for the first time in the history of my school, saw friends who were home for the holidays, performed at my grandmother's nursing home... And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I also went through a depressive spell (story of my life this year, it seems), but I'm feeling much better now. Wonka is about to perform, Christmastime is over, Annie just started rehearsals, I'll probably take a year off from teaching next year, and I'm looking to start a theatre company. So that's a little peek into my life.
And it brings me to the topic for today: adulthood. I think part of my recent malaise has had to do with the realization that I'm slowly entering adulthood. I don't like being burdened by responsibility. I don't like going to bed early. Like Alice (yes, Alice in Wonderland), I rebel against growing up. I do like having freedom, though, and money. Adults, I find, are really just older children with power. I remember sitting down at the lunch table for the first time at school with a bunch of adult colleagues and feeling totally out of place. As I listened to their conversation, though, I noticed that it didn't differ much at all from the type of discussion I might have had with my friends at college in the dining hall. They were gossiping, talking about their lives, discussing politics, telling each other about their plans for the weekend.
So what does it mean to be an adult? Obviously, like real life, there's no particular time you can point to and say "there it is!" I'm 26 years old, and I don't feel like an adult. But I guess I am. I have to be -- I'm a teacher! It's a choice; it's a mindset.
There are certain telltale signs.
1. Making your own decisions without feeling affected or burdened by other people's opinions of those decisions.
2. Setting aside childish ways -- bullying, trickery, etc.
3. Taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them.
4. Realizing and embracing that there are no boundaries set for you from the outside; you have total freedom.
5. Understanding the appreciating the difference between short-term and long-term (goals, decisions, plans, what have you).
But in the end, it's your choice to grow up. And philosophically, talking about freedom, there's the classic "freedom to" and "freedom from" dilemma. As an adult, you are free in that you can (i.e. have the capacity to) eat healthfully, be financially responsible, dress nicely, floss, service your vehicle regularly, etc. But you could also just as well eat candy for breakfast, go to sleep late, drink too much, fail to keep track of your finances, play hours of video games a day and shirk your other responsibilities, etc. How about this: I'm an adult when I need to be. Hah! Maybe that's the key: showing enough forethought and consideration that you can adapt to the various situations in which you find yourself.
I haven't decided whether or not I like being an adult. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. And I think that's OK. It's inevitable.
My all-time favorite musical, Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along, includes a song called "Growing Up." I love it. And if you haven't seen this musical, you must. I'll leave you with the (pertinent) lyrics and a link to the song on Youtube.
...
So, old friends, now it's time to start growing up.
Taking charge, seeing things as they are.
Facing facts, not escaping them,
Still with dreams, just reshaping them.
Growing up.
...
Every road has a turning
that's the way you keep learning.
So, old friends, don't you see we can have it all,
moving on, getting out of the past?
Solving dreams, not just trusting them,
taking dreams, readjusting them,
growing up, growing up.
Trying things, being flexible, bending with the road,
adding dreams when the others don't last.
Growing up, understanding that growing never ends.
Like old dreams,
some old dreams,
like old friends.
Life is knowing what you want, darling.
That's the only thing to know.
As I told you moons ago, darling,
nothing wrong with wanting.
...
Growing up means admitting the things you want the most.
Can't pursue every possible line.
Folding tents, making choices,
ignoring all over voices, including mine.
You're divine.
You decide on what you want, darling,
not on what you think you should.
Not on what you want to want, darling,
Not from force of habit.
Once it's clearly understood, darling, better go and grab it.
Things can slip away for good, darling, what is it you really... hm?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHwi_ISg2ZQ
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