Some R&R: Random Ruminations

Here I am, stranded inside on this fourth snow day in four weeks, grading papers, occasionally venturing outside to break some ice, drinking hot coffee, responding to e-mails, tooling around on facebook, and contemplating life. I've just reconnected with some old friends who have moved into the area, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them soon and catching up on what they've been doing in the past few years.
I signed into Blogger just now only to discover that the whole interface has been changed into Chinese characters. Although I must have done this myself, I have no recollection. It was jarring to say the least! Thank goodness I can figure out what everything says. Not sure what I want to write about today... only that I want to write. We'll see what comes out. Probably nothing with any sort of continuity.

I received some wonderful feedback on my last post on growing up. One observation was made by a good friend of mine who is now retired. He told me that my observations would be verified if I ever had the "privilege" to teach adults. "They tend to sit in the back of the room, avoiding to any degree possible the front rows; some are prepared and most are not for whatever the given lesson is; excuses for lack of preparedness differ little in essence from what a younger student will offer; by the end of the term, most will have disappeared, which would be true of children as well, had we not laws to prohibit such.  There is also a saying in administration that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and the other 80% of the people do the remaining 20% of the work.  As you become more politically aware ... you'll see all of this in action.  Very interesting, and occasionally very disheartening."

Another verification came when I went to renew my parking pass in Cambridge. It was set to expire on January 31, and I had been remiss in going to the City Hall Annex until... you guessed it! ... January 31. I had my excuses -- rehearsals or other obligations every day after school -- which prevented me from coming earlier. Of course, as I expected, there was an enormously long line which snaked all the way around the bottom floor and up to the top floor where it started. I stood in line for two hours along with everyone else. I came prepared with lots to do (phone calls to make, emails to write, papers to correct) because I anticipated the wait. But I was surprised to see how many people walked through that door veritably astonished that the line was as long as it was, and their various reactions of anger, frustration, and consternation only made me laugh. "It's your own fault!" I wanted to say. "Stop complaining and suck it up!" But I kept quiet.

My life changed suddenly a few days back when I actually took a moment to research astronomer Parke Kunkle's assertion that, due to changes in the Earth's alignment, the dates of many zodiac signs have changed. In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. Kunkle says that as the Earth and Sun slowly move the signs gradually change, as expected. The change didn't happen overnight either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth's position in relation to the sun has changed. I used to be OBSESSED with astrology when I was younger, and I am a Cancer through and through. You can imagine the shock and horror zapping through my body as I read that I have actually always been a Gemini. My whole reality crumbled before me. My runes and tarot cards suddenly lost their meaning. I freaked out.

I hope you have noticed my sarcasm.

I used to pray every day, multiple times a day. I used to make an effort to go to church every day at least once. What I do miss about that lifestyle is the time for self-reflection and introspection that it automatically afforded me. Meditation in any form certainly has its perks, and I have been trying to recapture some of that time by writing this blog. It's difficult, though, in this day and age where everything happens so fast and so immediately. I still go to church, but now it's my job to lead music for Masses, so I am compelled to go by other (financial) reasons. I certainly don't get as much out of the ceremonies as I used to. Nietzsche and Hegel and Kant made me consider alternatives to God that I had never entertained before, and I have not yet gone back. I think the only way I would ever be able to rekindle my former beliefs is by taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith once again. I am not ready to do that just yet. But I do love what Kierkegaard has to say: "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." "Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all." "Boredom is the root of all evil -- the despairing refusal to be oneself." "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."  

How much of "success" comprises passive dealings with your universe, and how much of success has to do with seizing the day and taking your own initiative? I used to believe that it was much more the former and much less the later, but now I'm not so sure. How can you ever know what you want to do? If you build up expectations of what your life is going to be like, you're much more likely to be ultimately disappointed. If you go with the flow, then everything that happens is perfect.

We tend to operate under the faulty assumption that we have an indefinite amount of time on earth. There will always be time for ___ later. Daily routines like eating breakfast are mundane to us. But in truth we should try to make each moment extraordinary and artful. Our life is one big sculpture, and every part we work changes the whole. Maybe that's why I do SO MUCH: I don't want to miss out on anything.

Try to see the world from the perspective of having already lived and died. Life is so precious and delicate... I feel so extremely lucky to be here on this earth. I am so thankful to be the person I am and to do the things I do, to know the people I know, to love those I love, to be able to experience emotions and see movies and think about philosophy and contemplate the meaning of this existence... and too many people nowadays rush through life without thanking their stars for the opportunity of a lifetime -- LITERALLY! They don't appreciate their lives, they don't appreciate other people, they don't appreciate that ups and downs are part of what makes life beautiful. They are self-centered and conceited, not necessarily maliciously or consciously, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and their experiences that they fail to truly see the other. And I find that sad. I think part of my mission in life is to make people realize that the world is more than they are.

Most of life is practical, though. You gotta eat, you gotta earn money, you gotta take care of your friends and family and loved ones, you gotta make sure to take care of yourself. Maybe the elusive answer is simply to try different things until you figure out what makes you happy. As Nike used to say, "Just do it!"