Listening to another's story -- how s/he came to be the person s/he is now -- is quite possibly one of the most scintillating experiences one can enjoy on this earth. I experienced it in my secret society (oooooooooh!) at college; I've experienced it in coffee shops with close friends; I've experienced it by reading memoirs and biographies and autobiographies. I've experienced it through my parents and my brother. Each time, I was riveted. I continue to be thus enraptured by what other people have to say about the most common (yet shared) topics. Somehow, I feel that our culture does not allow for much time for sharing.
There is something magical, mystical, about attempting to connect at such a deep, albeit impenetrable level with another human being. Even just grazing the surface of shared struggles/thoughts/existences with another is so invigorating!
Knowing that you're not alone is quite comforting.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Vacating
I'm on vacation. It's so nice. It's the first true vacation I think I've taken in almost four years. Yeah, I've taken breaks, I've gone places, I've visited people, but I've never thought of those excursions as vacations. I am currently in Florida, and I've literally vacated my routine life and self. I write today about why true vacation is so critical.
Vacation literally means "emptying." I came here without anything I normally keep with me at this time of year (notebooks, grading, winter clothes) and brought stuff I would never dream of using back at home (books, suntan lotion, my iPod, gym clothes). I am allowing myself to leave normalcy behind for a while and truly bask in the glory of things unplanned. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I have no to-do list. I also have no friends here except for the people with whom I'm staying, and they have their own agenda. I'm just along for the ride.
So I've been going through old e-mails, writing to and reconnecting with old friends, watching forwarded movies from TED (or Youtube) that I haven't had occasion to watch, reading books that have been sitting on my bedside table for years, reading articles that have been open in tabs in my browser for God knows how long, flossing before bed(!), seeing theatre, taking walks on the beach, just conversing without a care for what's next or worrying where I have to be in an hour. I feel free.
Vacation seems to give us the permission to do things in a different way, to shake things up a bit... Or it allows us - somehow - to give ourselves that permission. It's a special time.
I've been on a quest recently to rediscover what makes me passionate, and taking a real vacation is a perfect way to do so because it puts perspective on the life in which I am marred. If we take time to extricate ourselves from what we always do, we "remember" that things don't necessarily have to be that way. Then, thoughts turn naturally to figuring out how we can replicate this feeling back in "real life." I think the answer is simpler than it seems: just do it! Give yourself permission, occasionally, to take a real break.
I realized that I do actually give myself mini-vacations sometimes. For example, two weekends ago, between performances of a show, I had mistakenly left myself two hours of unstructured time. I had nothing with me -- no books, no papers, nothing -- and I didn't have time to go home and come back without spending all of it in transit. I was at a loss, so I went to a nearby pub, sat at the bar alone, and thought. Believe it or not, I hadn't thought much since college, at least not in the "deep" sense. Back then, all I did was think all day, seeing as I was a philosophy major. I took some napkins and began to write what came to my head.
Life is...
what you make of it
short
unique
special
one-time(?)
worth it
hard
important(?)
interesting
people & things
money
sad
everything
yours. mine.
long
paradoxical
meaningful & meaningless
what you make of it -- what you think
what others make of it for you
inspiring
fun
beautiful
to be shared
cyclical
simple & complex
I want...
to be myself -- and different
happiness
love
pleasure
to help people
to inspire people; to be inspired
to be known
to give back to my family
to feel loved and appreciated
to have a family of my own
to make beauty
to be proud of myself and what I do -- to feel satisfied
to do something important
I love...
music
languages
my family
thinking, analyzing
writing
beauty
crying -- emotion, FEELING
honesty
goodness
good food & drink
laughing
working hard
compliments
sleeping
making lists
being thought highly of
discussion
planning and seeing plans come through
I need...
to have self-confidence
food, water, and shelter
to be satisfied with myself
to have both a serious (responsible) and lighthearted (irresponsible) side
friends & family
money
inspiration, stimulation, motivation -- meaning
to be independent -- happy with my own decisions and for my own reasons
to be responsible -- to myself & to others
I had forgotten how much I enjoy just pondering things. In my life now, I don't really have time to ponder because I'm (necessarily) so practical. Get up, eat, go to work, grade, go to rehearsal, go to bed. Do it again. But if you stop thinking -- deeply -- then you quickly lose sight of your priorities, and you risk becoming complacent and forgetting about what you really want out of life. It's dangerous, and it's unfortunately condoned by our society. Security is paramount. Risk taking and forward thinking, while nice in theory, always fail in practice.
But to me, there's no other way to live than to follow your heart. Even when it's hard to hear what it's saying. And you won't ever hear unless you stop to listen.
Vacation literally means "emptying." I came here without anything I normally keep with me at this time of year (notebooks, grading, winter clothes) and brought stuff I would never dream of using back at home (books, suntan lotion, my iPod, gym clothes). I am allowing myself to leave normalcy behind for a while and truly bask in the glory of things unplanned. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I have no to-do list. I also have no friends here except for the people with whom I'm staying, and they have their own agenda. I'm just along for the ride.
So I've been going through old e-mails, writing to and reconnecting with old friends, watching forwarded movies from TED (or Youtube) that I haven't had occasion to watch, reading books that have been sitting on my bedside table for years, reading articles that have been open in tabs in my browser for God knows how long, flossing before bed(!), seeing theatre, taking walks on the beach, just conversing without a care for what's next or worrying where I have to be in an hour. I feel free.
Vacation seems to give us the permission to do things in a different way, to shake things up a bit... Or it allows us - somehow - to give ourselves that permission. It's a special time.
I've been on a quest recently to rediscover what makes me passionate, and taking a real vacation is a perfect way to do so because it puts perspective on the life in which I am marred. If we take time to extricate ourselves from what we always do, we "remember" that things don't necessarily have to be that way. Then, thoughts turn naturally to figuring out how we can replicate this feeling back in "real life." I think the answer is simpler than it seems: just do it! Give yourself permission, occasionally, to take a real break.
I realized that I do actually give myself mini-vacations sometimes. For example, two weekends ago, between performances of a show, I had mistakenly left myself two hours of unstructured time. I had nothing with me -- no books, no papers, nothing -- and I didn't have time to go home and come back without spending all of it in transit. I was at a loss, so I went to a nearby pub, sat at the bar alone, and thought. Believe it or not, I hadn't thought much since college, at least not in the "deep" sense. Back then, all I did was think all day, seeing as I was a philosophy major. I took some napkins and began to write what came to my head.
Life is...
what you make of it
short
unique
special
one-time(?)
worth it
hard
important(?)
interesting
people & things
money
sad
everything
yours. mine.
long
paradoxical
meaningful & meaningless
what you make of it -- what you think
what others make of it for you
inspiring
fun
beautiful
to be shared
cyclical
simple & complex
I want...
to be myself -- and different
happiness
love
pleasure
to help people
to inspire people; to be inspired
to be known
to give back to my family
to feel loved and appreciated
to have a family of my own
to make beauty
to be proud of myself and what I do -- to feel satisfied
to do something important
I love...
music
languages
my family
thinking, analyzing
writing
beauty
crying -- emotion, FEELING
honesty
goodness
good food & drink
laughing
working hard
compliments
sleeping
making lists
being thought highly of
discussion
planning and seeing plans come through
I need...
to have self-confidence
food, water, and shelter
to be satisfied with myself
to have both a serious (responsible) and lighthearted (irresponsible) side
friends & family
money
inspiration, stimulation, motivation -- meaning
to be independent -- happy with my own decisions and for my own reasons
to be responsible -- to myself & to others
I had forgotten how much I enjoy just pondering things. In my life now, I don't really have time to ponder because I'm (necessarily) so practical. Get up, eat, go to work, grade, go to rehearsal, go to bed. Do it again. But if you stop thinking -- deeply -- then you quickly lose sight of your priorities, and you risk becoming complacent and forgetting about what you really want out of life. It's dangerous, and it's unfortunately condoned by our society. Security is paramount. Risk taking and forward thinking, while nice in theory, always fail in practice.
But to me, there's no other way to live than to follow your heart. Even when it's hard to hear what it's saying. And you won't ever hear unless you stop to listen.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Some R&R: Random Ruminations
Here I am, stranded inside on this fourth snow day in four weeks, grading papers, occasionally venturing outside to break some ice, drinking hot coffee, responding to e-mails, tooling around on facebook, and contemplating life. I've just reconnected with some old friends who have moved into the area, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them soon and catching up on what they've been doing in the past few years.
I signed into Blogger just now only to discover that the whole interface has been changed into Chinese characters. Although I must have done this myself, I have no recollection. It was jarring to say the least! Thank goodness I can figure out what everything says. Not sure what I want to write about today... only that I want to write. We'll see what comes out. Probably nothing with any sort of continuity.
I received some wonderful feedback on my last post on growing up. One observation was made by a good friend of mine who is now retired. He told me that my observations would be verified if I ever had the "privilege" to teach adults. "They tend to sit in the back of the room, avoiding to any degree possible the front rows; some are prepared and most are not for whatever the given lesson is; excuses for lack of preparedness differ little in essence from what a younger student will offer; by the end of the term, most will have disappeared, which would be true of children as well, had we not laws to prohibit such. There is also a saying in administration that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and the other 80% of the people do the remaining 20% of the work. As you become more politically aware ... you'll see all of this in action. Very interesting, and occasionally very disheartening."
Another verification came when I went to renew my parking pass in Cambridge. It was set to expire on January 31, and I had been remiss in going to the City Hall Annex until... you guessed it! ... January 31. I had my excuses -- rehearsals or other obligations every day after school -- which prevented me from coming earlier. Of course, as I expected, there was an enormously long line which snaked all the way around the bottom floor and up to the top floor where it started. I stood in line for two hours along with everyone else. I came prepared with lots to do (phone calls to make, emails to write, papers to correct) because I anticipated the wait. But I was surprised to see how many people walked through that door veritably astonished that the line was as long as it was, and their various reactions of anger, frustration, and consternation only made me laugh. "It's your own fault!" I wanted to say. "Stop complaining and suck it up!" But I kept quiet.
My life changed suddenly a few days back when I actually took a moment to research astronomer Parke Kunkle's assertion that, due to changes in the Earth's alignment, the dates of many zodiac signs have changed. In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. Kunkle says that as the Earth and Sun slowly move the signs gradually change, as expected. The change didn't happen overnight either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth's position in relation to the sun has changed. I used to be OBSESSED with astrology when I was younger, and I am a Cancer through and through. You can imagine the shock and horror zapping through my body as I read that I have actually always been a Gemini. My whole reality crumbled before me. My runes and tarot cards suddenly lost their meaning. I freaked out.
I hope you have noticed my sarcasm.
I used to pray every day, multiple times a day. I used to make an effort to go to church every day at least once. What I do miss about that lifestyle is the time for self-reflection and introspection that it automatically afforded me. Meditation in any form certainly has its perks, and I have been trying to recapture some of that time by writing this blog. It's difficult, though, in this day and age where everything happens so fast and so immediately. I still go to church, but now it's my job to lead music for Masses, so I am compelled to go by other (financial) reasons. I certainly don't get as much out of the ceremonies as I used to. Nietzsche and Hegel and Kant made me consider alternatives to God that I had never entertained before, and I have not yet gone back. I think the only way I would ever be able to rekindle my former beliefs is by taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith once again. I am not ready to do that just yet. But I do love what Kierkegaard has to say: "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." "Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all." "Boredom is the root of all evil -- the despairing refusal to be oneself." "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
How much of "success" comprises passive dealings with your universe, and how much of success has to do with seizing the day and taking your own initiative? I used to believe that it was much more the former and much less the later, but now I'm not so sure. How can you ever know what you want to do? If you build up expectations of what your life is going to be like, you're much more likely to be ultimately disappointed. If you go with the flow, then everything that happens is perfect.
We tend to operate under the faulty assumption that we have an indefinite amount of time on earth. There will always be time for ___ later. Daily routines like eating breakfast are mundane to us. But in truth we should try to make each moment extraordinary and artful. Our life is one big sculpture, and every part we work changes the whole. Maybe that's why I do SO MUCH: I don't want to miss out on anything.
Try to see the world from the perspective of having already lived and died. Life is so precious and delicate... I feel so extremely lucky to be here on this earth. I am so thankful to be the person I am and to do the things I do, to know the people I know, to love those I love, to be able to experience emotions and see movies and think about philosophy and contemplate the meaning of this existence... and too many people nowadays rush through life without thanking their stars for the opportunity of a lifetime -- LITERALLY! They don't appreciate their lives, they don't appreciate other people, they don't appreciate that ups and downs are part of what makes life beautiful. They are self-centered and conceited, not necessarily maliciously or consciously, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and their experiences that they fail to truly see the other. And I find that sad. I think part of my mission in life is to make people realize that the world is more than they are.
Most of life is practical, though. You gotta eat, you gotta earn money, you gotta take care of your friends and family and loved ones, you gotta make sure to take care of yourself. Maybe the elusive answer is simply to try different things until you figure out what makes you happy. As Nike used to say, "Just do it!"
I signed into Blogger just now only to discover that the whole interface has been changed into Chinese characters. Although I must have done this myself, I have no recollection. It was jarring to say the least! Thank goodness I can figure out what everything says. Not sure what I want to write about today... only that I want to write. We'll see what comes out. Probably nothing with any sort of continuity.
I received some wonderful feedback on my last post on growing up. One observation was made by a good friend of mine who is now retired. He told me that my observations would be verified if I ever had the "privilege" to teach adults. "They tend to sit in the back of the room, avoiding to any degree possible the front rows; some are prepared and most are not for whatever the given lesson is; excuses for lack of preparedness differ little in essence from what a younger student will offer; by the end of the term, most will have disappeared, which would be true of children as well, had we not laws to prohibit such. There is also a saying in administration that 20% of the people do 80% of the work, and the other 80% of the people do the remaining 20% of the work. As you become more politically aware ... you'll see all of this in action. Very interesting, and occasionally very disheartening."
Another verification came when I went to renew my parking pass in Cambridge. It was set to expire on January 31, and I had been remiss in going to the City Hall Annex until... you guessed it! ... January 31. I had my excuses -- rehearsals or other obligations every day after school -- which prevented me from coming earlier. Of course, as I expected, there was an enormously long line which snaked all the way around the bottom floor and up to the top floor where it started. I stood in line for two hours along with everyone else. I came prepared with lots to do (phone calls to make, emails to write, papers to correct) because I anticipated the wait. But I was surprised to see how many people walked through that door veritably astonished that the line was as long as it was, and their various reactions of anger, frustration, and consternation only made me laugh. "It's your own fault!" I wanted to say. "Stop complaining and suck it up!" But I kept quiet.
My life changed suddenly a few days back when I actually took a moment to research astronomer Parke Kunkle's assertion that, due to changes in the Earth's alignment, the dates of many zodiac signs have changed. In addition, there may be a 13th Zodiac sign: Ophiuchus. Kunkle says that as the Earth and Sun slowly move the signs gradually change, as expected. The change didn't happen overnight either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth's position in relation to the sun has changed. I used to be OBSESSED with astrology when I was younger, and I am a Cancer through and through. You can imagine the shock and horror zapping through my body as I read that I have actually always been a Gemini. My whole reality crumbled before me. My runes and tarot cards suddenly lost their meaning. I freaked out.
I hope you have noticed my sarcasm.
I used to pray every day, multiple times a day. I used to make an effort to go to church every day at least once. What I do miss about that lifestyle is the time for self-reflection and introspection that it automatically afforded me. Meditation in any form certainly has its perks, and I have been trying to recapture some of that time by writing this blog. It's difficult, though, in this day and age where everything happens so fast and so immediately. I still go to church, but now it's my job to lead music for Masses, so I am compelled to go by other (financial) reasons. I certainly don't get as much out of the ceremonies as I used to. Nietzsche and Hegel and Kant made me consider alternatives to God that I had never entertained before, and I have not yet gone back. I think the only way I would ever be able to rekindle my former beliefs is by taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith once again. I am not ready to do that just yet. But I do love what Kierkegaard has to say: "Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." "Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all." "Boredom is the root of all evil -- the despairing refusal to be oneself." "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
How much of "success" comprises passive dealings with your universe, and how much of success has to do with seizing the day and taking your own initiative? I used to believe that it was much more the former and much less the later, but now I'm not so sure. How can you ever know what you want to do? If you build up expectations of what your life is going to be like, you're much more likely to be ultimately disappointed. If you go with the flow, then everything that happens is perfect.
We tend to operate under the faulty assumption that we have an indefinite amount of time on earth. There will always be time for ___ later. Daily routines like eating breakfast are mundane to us. But in truth we should try to make each moment extraordinary and artful. Our life is one big sculpture, and every part we work changes the whole. Maybe that's why I do SO MUCH: I don't want to miss out on anything.
Try to see the world from the perspective of having already lived and died. Life is so precious and delicate... I feel so extremely lucky to be here on this earth. I am so thankful to be the person I am and to do the things I do, to know the people I know, to love those I love, to be able to experience emotions and see movies and think about philosophy and contemplate the meaning of this existence... and too many people nowadays rush through life without thanking their stars for the opportunity of a lifetime -- LITERALLY! They don't appreciate their lives, they don't appreciate other people, they don't appreciate that ups and downs are part of what makes life beautiful. They are self-centered and conceited, not necessarily maliciously or consciously, but they are so wrapped up in themselves and their experiences that they fail to truly see the other. And I find that sad. I think part of my mission in life is to make people realize that the world is more than they are.
Most of life is practical, though. You gotta eat, you gotta earn money, you gotta take care of your friends and family and loved ones, you gotta make sure to take care of yourself. Maybe the elusive answer is simply to try different things until you figure out what makes you happy. As Nike used to say, "Just do it!"
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Growing up
I've gotten a lot of comments lately regarding the length of time that's passed since my last post. FYI, a month or so in my life does NOT feel like a long time. So much has happened in typical whirlwind fashion since December 8, 2010.
Truthfully, when I started this blog, I promised myself that I could not feel beholden to my readership when writing. I would only write when I felt inspired to do so, when I had something to say. While part of me is flattered that you look forward to reading my words with such anticipation (don't give me a big head, please!), another part of me says, "Remember, this is for you just as much as it is for them." So I at once apologize for the delay and feel no remorse for it. I was extremely busy and had other matters to attend to - including sleep. Writing blog posts at 1 am is not a habit I'd like to maintain.You see, Christmastime is a very busy one in the life of a church musician. I also agreed to play four mini-musicals for "Directing the Musical" students at Emerson College, so I had rehearsals up the wazoo. I had also started music directing Willy Wonka at the middle school in my district, held a murder mystery party in my home for my work colleagues (to great success and acclaim!), had a slew of auditions for Annie, inducted 5 students into the National Chinese Honor Society for the first time in the history of my school, saw friends who were home for the holidays, performed at my grandmother's nursing home... And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I also went through a depressive spell (story of my life this year, it seems), but I'm feeling much better now. Wonka is about to perform, Christmastime is over, Annie just started rehearsals, I'll probably take a year off from teaching next year, and I'm looking to start a theatre company. So that's a little peek into my life.
And it brings me to the topic for today: adulthood. I think part of my recent malaise has had to do with the realization that I'm slowly entering adulthood. I don't like being burdened by responsibility. I don't like going to bed early. Like Alice (yes, Alice in Wonderland), I rebel against growing up. I do like having freedom, though, and money. Adults, I find, are really just older children with power. I remember sitting down at the lunch table for the first time at school with a bunch of adult colleagues and feeling totally out of place. As I listened to their conversation, though, I noticed that it didn't differ much at all from the type of discussion I might have had with my friends at college in the dining hall. They were gossiping, talking about their lives, discussing politics, telling each other about their plans for the weekend.
So what does it mean to be an adult? Obviously, like real life, there's no particular time you can point to and say "there it is!" I'm 26 years old, and I don't feel like an adult. But I guess I am. I have to be -- I'm a teacher! It's a choice; it's a mindset.
There are certain telltale signs.
1. Making your own decisions without feeling affected or burdened by other people's opinions of those decisions.
2. Setting aside childish ways -- bullying, trickery, etc.
3. Taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them.
4. Realizing and embracing that there are no boundaries set for you from the outside; you have total freedom.
5. Understanding the appreciating the difference between short-term and long-term (goals, decisions, plans, what have you).
But in the end, it's your choice to grow up. And philosophically, talking about freedom, there's the classic "freedom to" and "freedom from" dilemma. As an adult, you are free in that you can (i.e. have the capacity to) eat healthfully, be financially responsible, dress nicely, floss, service your vehicle regularly, etc. But you could also just as well eat candy for breakfast, go to sleep late, drink too much, fail to keep track of your finances, play hours of video games a day and shirk your other responsibilities, etc. How about this: I'm an adult when I need to be. Hah! Maybe that's the key: showing enough forethought and consideration that you can adapt to the various situations in which you find yourself.
I haven't decided whether or not I like being an adult. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. And I think that's OK. It's inevitable.
My all-time favorite musical, Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along, includes a song called "Growing Up." I love it. And if you haven't seen this musical, you must. I'll leave you with the (pertinent) lyrics and a link to the song on Youtube.
...
So, old friends, now it's time to start growing up.
Taking charge, seeing things as they are.
Facing facts, not escaping them,
Still with dreams, just reshaping them.
Growing up.
...
Every road has a turning
that's the way you keep learning.
So, old friends, don't you see we can have it all,
moving on, getting out of the past?
Solving dreams, not just trusting them,
taking dreams, readjusting them,
growing up, growing up.
Trying things, being flexible, bending with the road,
adding dreams when the others don't last.
Growing up, understanding that growing never ends.
Like old dreams,
some old dreams,
like old friends.
Life is knowing what you want, darling.
That's the only thing to know.
As I told you moons ago, darling,
nothing wrong with wanting.
...
Growing up means admitting the things you want the most.
Can't pursue every possible line.
Folding tents, making choices,
ignoring all over voices, including mine.
You're divine.
You decide on what you want, darling,
not on what you think you should.
Not on what you want to want, darling,
Not from force of habit.
Once it's clearly understood, darling, better go and grab it.
Things can slip away for good, darling, what is it you really... hm?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHwi_ISg2ZQ
Truthfully, when I started this blog, I promised myself that I could not feel beholden to my readership when writing. I would only write when I felt inspired to do so, when I had something to say. While part of me is flattered that you look forward to reading my words with such anticipation (don't give me a big head, please!), another part of me says, "Remember, this is for you just as much as it is for them." So I at once apologize for the delay and feel no remorse for it. I was extremely busy and had other matters to attend to - including sleep. Writing blog posts at 1 am is not a habit I'd like to maintain.You see, Christmastime is a very busy one in the life of a church musician. I also agreed to play four mini-musicals for "Directing the Musical" students at Emerson College, so I had rehearsals up the wazoo. I had also started music directing Willy Wonka at the middle school in my district, held a murder mystery party in my home for my work colleagues (to great success and acclaim!), had a slew of auditions for Annie, inducted 5 students into the National Chinese Honor Society for the first time in the history of my school, saw friends who were home for the holidays, performed at my grandmother's nursing home... And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I also went through a depressive spell (story of my life this year, it seems), but I'm feeling much better now. Wonka is about to perform, Christmastime is over, Annie just started rehearsals, I'll probably take a year off from teaching next year, and I'm looking to start a theatre company. So that's a little peek into my life.
And it brings me to the topic for today: adulthood. I think part of my recent malaise has had to do with the realization that I'm slowly entering adulthood. I don't like being burdened by responsibility. I don't like going to bed early. Like Alice (yes, Alice in Wonderland), I rebel against growing up. I do like having freedom, though, and money. Adults, I find, are really just older children with power. I remember sitting down at the lunch table for the first time at school with a bunch of adult colleagues and feeling totally out of place. As I listened to their conversation, though, I noticed that it didn't differ much at all from the type of discussion I might have had with my friends at college in the dining hall. They were gossiping, talking about their lives, discussing politics, telling each other about their plans for the weekend.
So what does it mean to be an adult? Obviously, like real life, there's no particular time you can point to and say "there it is!" I'm 26 years old, and I don't feel like an adult. But I guess I am. I have to be -- I'm a teacher! It's a choice; it's a mindset.
There are certain telltale signs.
1. Making your own decisions without feeling affected or burdened by other people's opinions of those decisions.
2. Setting aside childish ways -- bullying, trickery, etc.
3. Taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them.
4. Realizing and embracing that there are no boundaries set for you from the outside; you have total freedom.
5. Understanding the appreciating the difference between short-term and long-term (goals, decisions, plans, what have you).
But in the end, it's your choice to grow up. And philosophically, talking about freedom, there's the classic "freedom to" and "freedom from" dilemma. As an adult, you are free in that you can (i.e. have the capacity to) eat healthfully, be financially responsible, dress nicely, floss, service your vehicle regularly, etc. But you could also just as well eat candy for breakfast, go to sleep late, drink too much, fail to keep track of your finances, play hours of video games a day and shirk your other responsibilities, etc. How about this: I'm an adult when I need to be. Hah! Maybe that's the key: showing enough forethought and consideration that you can adapt to the various situations in which you find yourself.
I haven't decided whether or not I like being an adult. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. And I think that's OK. It's inevitable.
My all-time favorite musical, Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along, includes a song called "Growing Up." I love it. And if you haven't seen this musical, you must. I'll leave you with the (pertinent) lyrics and a link to the song on Youtube.
...
So, old friends, now it's time to start growing up.
Taking charge, seeing things as they are.
Facing facts, not escaping them,
Still with dreams, just reshaping them.
Growing up.
...
Every road has a turning
that's the way you keep learning.
So, old friends, don't you see we can have it all,
moving on, getting out of the past?
Solving dreams, not just trusting them,
taking dreams, readjusting them,
growing up, growing up.
Trying things, being flexible, bending with the road,
adding dreams when the others don't last.
Growing up, understanding that growing never ends.
Like old dreams,
some old dreams,
like old friends.
Life is knowing what you want, darling.
That's the only thing to know.
As I told you moons ago, darling,
nothing wrong with wanting.
...
Growing up means admitting the things you want the most.
Can't pursue every possible line.
Folding tents, making choices,
ignoring all over voices, including mine.
You're divine.
You decide on what you want, darling,
not on what you think you should.
Not on what you want to want, darling,
Not from force of habit.
Once it's clearly understood, darling, better go and grab it.
Things can slip away for good, darling, what is it you really... hm?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHwi_ISg2ZQ
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Das Ziel meines Blogs, auf Deutsch
Mein Blog geht um "das ehrliche Leben," das, was ich durch meine Erfahrungen gelernt habe. Manchmal schreibe ich über Philosophie, und erzähle auch ab und zu Geschichten aus meinem Leben. Das Ziel ist nicht etwas Kluges oder Interessantes zu sagen, sondern mich mit den Lesern durch meine Worte irgendwie zu verbinden. Ich glaube, wir haben alle dieselben Sorgen, dieselben Ängste, dieselben Wünsche... aber die amerikanische Kultur ist so, dass wir nie miteinander darüber reden, und deshalb fühlen wir uns ganz allein. Ich will diesen Irrtum, diese falsche Vorstellung, aufklären.
Coincidences or Lucky Accidents?
I try to follow my intuition at all times. If my gut doesn't tell me what to do, then I know something is wrong. Usually it's that I don't have enough information to make a good decision.
I think this is why I love coincidences so much. I suppose whether coincidences are actually meaningful in any way is a mystery, but how do you explain that strange and unique feeling you get in your heart when they happen? When you notice a coincidence, your reaction is unlike any other. Are the events in our life ultimately objective or subjective?
In Psalm 46 of the King James Bible, published in the year that Shakespeare turned 46, the 46th word is "shake" and the 46th word from the end is "spear." Isn't that WEIRD?!
I choose to believe that when a coincidence invades my life -- large or small -- I'm in the right place at the right time. It's a kind of signpost. I first encountered (and became mildly obsessed with) this theory of synchronicity after I read James Redfield's book, The Celestine Prophecy. It's easy to make a good decision when a coincidence occurs because that's the purpose of coincidence: to point us in the right direction. There's something there I need to take advantage of. Every time you turn towards something, you turn away from something else. But how do you best decide which way to turn? Some people think I'm crazy for not thinking through my options more thoroughly, but usually my thought process is subconscious. My intuition brings to light the decision I would arrive at anyway, after long, troublesome hours of contemplation. And I have never been steered astray by this gut of mine. What I've discovered is that the more often I take advantage of whatever coincidences have to offer, the more often coincidences happen to me. I'm living well. But if I ignore the signpost and let opportunity pass me by, then life just marches on like it always does. I want my life to be special, but that involves taking risks and chances and leaps of faith.
If there's even an inkling that "this might not be a good idea" in my mind, I won't do it. I hate regret because it makes you live sorrowfully in the past. This is not to say I have never made a bad or just plain wrong decision. But on those occasions, I learn from my mistakes and grow out of the experience. I choose not to dwell on the past and consider all the other myriad choices I could have made. What's done is done. That's a pet peeve of mine, when people can't let go of something they've done or someone else has done in the past. You can only affect the present, so if you're going to make any headway or solve any issue, you won't succeed by dwelling on what already transpired. You have to move ahead and fix the way things turned out -- and THAT is within your power. I hardly ever think about the way things might have been.
We all must agree, though, that everything happens for a reason. This is true of our world whether or not you choose to ascribe mystical significance to those reasons. In the end, everything is conditioned. Nothing is uncaused. Every action has a reaction, and the interaction of all action in the universe, while complex, is thus not chaotic. Everything is connected in a delicate balance.
All of this sets me up to discuss another topic at a later time: fate. If a coincidence is simply a confluence of events (events bumping into other events due to the complicated web of interaction in the universe), are they inevitably going to happen, or do we have a say in the matter? Could our own decisions be fated?
If you're interested, you can read more here:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200407/the-power-coincidence
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/200911/everything-happens-reason-simple-phrase-opens-worm-can-wonder
Monday, December 6, 2010
Fear and Truth
In a 2005 Gallup poll, a national sample of adolescents between the ages of 13 and 15 were asked what they feared the most. The question was open ended and participants were able to say whatever they wanted. The most frequently cited fear (mentioned by 8% of the teens) was terrorism. The top ten fears were, in order: terrorist attacks, spiders, death, being a failure, war, heights, criminal or gang violence, being alone, the future, and nuclear war.
I fear sometimes that I lost my religiosity for the wrong reasons, that God and Jesus really are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that I am jeopardizing my soul's eternal well-being by my agnosticism. I fear that eternal judgment may well exist.
I worry that I should be setting my sights higher than being a humble (yet noble) teacher. I am very conflicted about this. People have told me that they "can't wait to see [my] name in lights someday" since I was a child, and my friends and family always said that I had the potential to cure cancer or end world hunger or do something really incredible. But I've always felt like the incredible things start with something small, and I enjoy having a small effect on a lot of people. In 50 years, my students will (hopefully) remember me, their crazy Chinese teacher. That's powerful stuff. And if they go on to do quote-unquote "amazing" things, I will have had a part in all their success. Another part of me thinks that I should be doing those great things. Just what they are remains a mystery at this point, because the definition of success and greatness is so relative... What, exactly, does 'incredible' mean? At the same time, I also have the feeling that I am on the path towards greatness. If my experience has taught me anything, it's that being on the right path is sometimes enough. You don't have to go searching for the opportunities because they'll come find you if you're open to them. Put your desire out into the universe, and you will be answered. Is it really that easy? Well, if you want something that badly, then every decision you make (whether obviously or obliquely related to that desire) will bring you closer to your goal. Everything you do is tied to it. That's why it's so important to figure out what you want, even if it changes. You can't go through life not knowing what you want, for then you'll wander aimlessly. Follow the signposts, the coincidences, and you'll end up where you're meant to be.
I fear losing sight of what's really important. If you haven't read or seen the play Our Town by Thornton Wilder, you should do so immediately. I'm resolved to read or see that play at least twice a year for the rest of my life. Act 1: Daily Life. Act 2: Love and Marriage. Act 3: Death and Eternity. It's a play about seeing your life from a future perspective, about living your life one day at a time, considering each new day as your last, and truly appreciating and taking advantage of your time here, the people you meet, the experiences you have. Life should be valued, "every, every minute." Most people don't realize life while they live it. "The saints and poets, maybe -- they do some." What amazing gifts life and consciousness are! What amazing gifts family and friends are. But do I really think about that all the time? I think I should, and I fear I don't enough. Like everyone else, I get wrapped up in other things ... selfish things ... and I make silly decisions based on silly reasoning. I fear that one day I will regret not being able to be a true Buddhist about life, so I really want to reach Nirvana soon! I'm on my way. I should talk to my family every day. I should write long emails and have long phone conversations with people I care about as often as I can. I should visit friends and be an active communicator. I should tell people how much they mean to me and how lucky I feel to know them. I should take time at the end of the day to do a self-examination and relive my life, analyze my interactions with people, and regroup. But culture and misplaced values and pleasure of the moment get in the way. So in a way, I see living in the moment as a paradox, and I fear not being able to balance the paradox properly.
I fear that I'm not being healthy enough (eating right, exercising, etc.) and that I'm going to pay for it later.
The most important thing in life to me is that I never lose sight of these fears ... discarding them because it's easier to forget about them than it is to grapple with them. In other words, the most important thing to me about life is the truth. Genuine honesty. And sometimes the truth is hard to understand. Sometimes the truth doesn't make sense. Sometimes the truth isn't fair. Sometimes the truth takes a long time to accept. Sometimes the truth is hard to find. But "the Truth shall set you free." In truth is peace. I believe, for example, that if you can truly put yourself in someone else's shoes, you could never be angry at them. Wars would cease. But accepting other people's truths is very, very difficult. So I search not only for my own truths, but for other people's, in the hopes that I can see the world from many different perspectives. I love the idea that God is God because he sees the world through every single eye that has ever existed, exists now, and will exist in the future. That's why he's omniscient... that's why he's omnibenevolent... and that's why he's omnipotent. If everyone on earth prayed for the same thing at the same time, it would happen! So when people talk about seeing the world through God's eyes, I think they actually mean through others' eyes. And NOT through your eyes through other people's eyes (like what would it like for ME to be you for a day), but actually BEING someone else. But if everyone 'wants' peace and happiness, why do these tenets escape us most of the time? Because we're unwilling to let go of our own personal truth and admit that other people might be right. I think disagreement is fine -- and totally natural -- but judgment is not. And humans feel the need to judge others' truths as lesser or just plain wrong. This is exclusionary and narrowminded.
I think everything I enjoy doing, I enjoy because it taps into this idea of truth seeking. The books I read, the movies I watch, the conversations I have, the people I meet, the places I go, the subjects I teach... Buddhism, yoga, eastern philosophy, meditation... Making real connections with people means discovering their personal truths and respecting them and discussing them and pondering them. That's the marrow of life. That's what get's me up in the morning.
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/truth/
I fear sometimes that I lost my religiosity for the wrong reasons, that God and Jesus really are the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and that I am jeopardizing my soul's eternal well-being by my agnosticism. I fear that eternal judgment may well exist.
I worry that I should be setting my sights higher than being a humble (yet noble) teacher. I am very conflicted about this. People have told me that they "can't wait to see [my] name in lights someday" since I was a child, and my friends and family always said that I had the potential to cure cancer or end world hunger or do something really incredible. But I've always felt like the incredible things start with something small, and I enjoy having a small effect on a lot of people. In 50 years, my students will (hopefully) remember me, their crazy Chinese teacher. That's powerful stuff. And if they go on to do quote-unquote "amazing" things, I will have had a part in all their success. Another part of me thinks that I should be doing those great things. Just what they are remains a mystery at this point, because the definition of success and greatness is so relative... What, exactly, does 'incredible' mean? At the same time, I also have the feeling that I am on the path towards greatness. If my experience has taught me anything, it's that being on the right path is sometimes enough. You don't have to go searching for the opportunities because they'll come find you if you're open to them. Put your desire out into the universe, and you will be answered. Is it really that easy? Well, if you want something that badly, then every decision you make (whether obviously or obliquely related to that desire) will bring you closer to your goal. Everything you do is tied to it. That's why it's so important to figure out what you want, even if it changes. You can't go through life not knowing what you want, for then you'll wander aimlessly. Follow the signposts, the coincidences, and you'll end up where you're meant to be.
I fear losing sight of what's really important. If you haven't read or seen the play Our Town by Thornton Wilder, you should do so immediately. I'm resolved to read or see that play at least twice a year for the rest of my life. Act 1: Daily Life. Act 2: Love and Marriage. Act 3: Death and Eternity. It's a play about seeing your life from a future perspective, about living your life one day at a time, considering each new day as your last, and truly appreciating and taking advantage of your time here, the people you meet, the experiences you have. Life should be valued, "every, every minute." Most people don't realize life while they live it. "The saints and poets, maybe -- they do some." What amazing gifts life and consciousness are! What amazing gifts family and friends are. But do I really think about that all the time? I think I should, and I fear I don't enough. Like everyone else, I get wrapped up in other things ... selfish things ... and I make silly decisions based on silly reasoning. I fear that one day I will regret not being able to be a true Buddhist about life, so I really want to reach Nirvana soon! I'm on my way. I should talk to my family every day. I should write long emails and have long phone conversations with people I care about as often as I can. I should visit friends and be an active communicator. I should tell people how much they mean to me and how lucky I feel to know them. I should take time at the end of the day to do a self-examination and relive my life, analyze my interactions with people, and regroup. But culture and misplaced values and pleasure of the moment get in the way. So in a way, I see living in the moment as a paradox, and I fear not being able to balance the paradox properly.
I fear that I'm not being healthy enough (eating right, exercising, etc.) and that I'm going to pay for it later.
The most important thing in life to me is that I never lose sight of these fears ... discarding them because it's easier to forget about them than it is to grapple with them. In other words, the most important thing to me about life is the truth. Genuine honesty. And sometimes the truth is hard to understand. Sometimes the truth doesn't make sense. Sometimes the truth isn't fair. Sometimes the truth takes a long time to accept. Sometimes the truth is hard to find. But "the Truth shall set you free." In truth is peace. I believe, for example, that if you can truly put yourself in someone else's shoes, you could never be angry at them. Wars would cease. But accepting other people's truths is very, very difficult. So I search not only for my own truths, but for other people's, in the hopes that I can see the world from many different perspectives. I love the idea that God is God because he sees the world through every single eye that has ever existed, exists now, and will exist in the future. That's why he's omniscient... that's why he's omnibenevolent... and that's why he's omnipotent. If everyone on earth prayed for the same thing at the same time, it would happen! So when people talk about seeing the world through God's eyes, I think they actually mean through others' eyes. And NOT through your eyes through other people's eyes (like what would it like for ME to be you for a day), but actually BEING someone else. But if everyone 'wants' peace and happiness, why do these tenets escape us most of the time? Because we're unwilling to let go of our own personal truth and admit that other people might be right. I think disagreement is fine -- and totally natural -- but judgment is not. And humans feel the need to judge others' truths as lesser or just plain wrong. This is exclusionary and narrowminded.
I think everything I enjoy doing, I enjoy because it taps into this idea of truth seeking. The books I read, the movies I watch, the conversations I have, the people I meet, the places I go, the subjects I teach... Buddhism, yoga, eastern philosophy, meditation... Making real connections with people means discovering their personal truths and respecting them and discussing them and pondering them. That's the marrow of life. That's what get's me up in the morning.
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/truth/
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Choose love!
I always used to find love songs and love poems cheesy. I used to ask myself, "Why do artists and great minds spend so much time pondering this 'love' thing, trying to put it into words?"
Well, then I fell in love, and I realized exactly why. Love is ineffable. It's so unbelievably powerful. It's magical. It changes you. I mean, I had known the love of family and friends, but this strange emotion was something otherworldly. I could hardly do or think about anything else. I was dissecting everything. Everything else in my life (work, friends, hobbies) took a back seat. I became a communication addict. An extremely impatient one. Love is very time-consuming. I don't mean to claim that I am a poet or any sort of great mind, but I eventually found myself contemplating love continuously. I would try for hours to try to express my feelings in a specific and sensible way. I was reading love poetry voraciously, listening to cheesy love songs and actually EMPATHIZING with them, beaming and sighing! Gross, right?
Why is the urge to express love so strong?
From what I've gathered, a primary motivation we humans have in life is to expand our selves and to increase our abilities and effectiveness. We are inherently social creatures, so naturally we do this in conjunction with (and thus in relationships with) other people. Love is particularly exhilarating because not only do we discover the potential of self-expansion for ourselves, but there's also another person who's interested in working with us, investing in our own self-expansion, who finds us attractive enough to spend copious amounts of time with. It's an infinite feedback loop, and it's thrilling. Love is selfish; we become obsessed. Love is wonderful; it makes us feel good. Love is enticing; life seems more beautiful.
But love never creates pain. Attachment, expectation and needing the other are the cause of that pain. It's easy to love those who give us what we want. It's much harder to continue loving once things get tough. That's why, in the end, it's a choice. I vow to pursue love all my life. It makes life worth living. Neither career nor money nor success nor any other goal can hope to compare with what love has to offer.
I wrote this once: "Days are so much longer with you in them; time seems to elongate because I will it to, because i want more time to think about you, to spend with you, to hold you... If I know what love is, it is because of you."
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. (Ingrid Bergman)
Love makes mutes of those who habitually speak most fluently. (Madeleine de Scudery)
You know you're in love when you see the world in his eyes, and his eyes everywhere in the world. (David Levesque)
Love feels no burden,
thinks nothing of trouble,
attempts what is above its strength,
pleads no excuse of impossibility...
It is therefore able to undertake all things,
and it completes many things,
and warrants them to take effect,
where he who does not love would faint and lie down.
Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not.
Though weary, it is not tired;
though pressed, it is not straitened;
though alarmed, it is not confounded...
- Thomas A. Kempis
Well, then I fell in love, and I realized exactly why. Love is ineffable. It's so unbelievably powerful. It's magical. It changes you. I mean, I had known the love of family and friends, but this strange emotion was something otherworldly. I could hardly do or think about anything else. I was dissecting everything. Everything else in my life (work, friends, hobbies) took a back seat. I became a communication addict. An extremely impatient one. Love is very time-consuming. I don't mean to claim that I am a poet or any sort of great mind, but I eventually found myself contemplating love continuously. I would try for hours to try to express my feelings in a specific and sensible way. I was reading love poetry voraciously, listening to cheesy love songs and actually EMPATHIZING with them, beaming and sighing! Gross, right?
Why is the urge to express love so strong?
From what I've gathered, a primary motivation we humans have in life is to expand our selves and to increase our abilities and effectiveness. We are inherently social creatures, so naturally we do this in conjunction with (and thus in relationships with) other people. Love is particularly exhilarating because not only do we discover the potential of self-expansion for ourselves, but there's also another person who's interested in working with us, investing in our own self-expansion, who finds us attractive enough to spend copious amounts of time with. It's an infinite feedback loop, and it's thrilling. Love is selfish; we become obsessed. Love is wonderful; it makes us feel good. Love is enticing; life seems more beautiful.
But love never creates pain. Attachment, expectation and needing the other are the cause of that pain. It's easy to love those who give us what we want. It's much harder to continue loving once things get tough. That's why, in the end, it's a choice. I vow to pursue love all my life. It makes life worth living. Neither career nor money nor success nor any other goal can hope to compare with what love has to offer.
I wrote this once: "Days are so much longer with you in them; time seems to elongate because I will it to, because i want more time to think about you, to spend with you, to hold you... If I know what love is, it is because of you."
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. (Ingrid Bergman)
Love makes mutes of those who habitually speak most fluently. (Madeleine de Scudery)
You know you're in love when you see the world in his eyes, and his eyes everywhere in the world. (David Levesque)
Love feels no burden,
thinks nothing of trouble,
attempts what is above its strength,
pleads no excuse of impossibility...
It is therefore able to undertake all things,
and it completes many things,
and warrants them to take effect,
where he who does not love would faint and lie down.
Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not.
Though weary, it is not tired;
though pressed, it is not straitened;
though alarmed, it is not confounded...
- Thomas A. Kempis
Monday, November 29, 2010
Real life revisited
A wonderful friend of mine made some great comments that I'd like to share with you. I've paraphrased them somewhat, but I find these words inspiring, challenging, and important.
Make your blog about 'real life.' Life is life, and all of it is real. There are definitely stages like childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, and on and on, but there is no part that can be separated from the rest. I think it all has to be acknowledged and accepted as part of what we have experienced; part of what has made us who we are. "Real life," as you use it, has no meaning for me. I remember as a student, probably in college, but possibly still in high school, reading that the poet Goethe in later life was ashamed of some of his earlier writings and disavowed these. I always considered that strange. I note you say the same thing about your earlier blog. Now both you and Goethe are much, much more creative than I can ever hope to be, and perhaps that's the difference, but I do wonder about disavowing parts of one's life as later stages overtake us.
I may look at things this way because of my experience in AA and alcohol and drug abuse. Part of what is called the promises of AA states that we shall come to a point in our lives where "we shall neither regret the past, nor wish to close the door on it." To me that means that, if we understand and are contented with what has gotten us to where we are in life, then we have a chance at contentment at present. Contentment here does not mean 'happiness.' Rather it signifies that we are at peace with what has led us to where we are. Even though the past may be filled with tragedy, embarrassment, and pain, if we learn from all this and accept it, we are better armed to confront our present circumstances and perhaps even the future. That is reason enough to be content.
We are all in some ways at the same point. We are still learning from our experiences and making necessary adjustments in our lives, just as we did when we were five and entered school, 13/14 and entered high school, 17/18 and entered college, and on and on. All those points were/are very real, and all part of our lives.
So I suppose I should say this: to be completely honest, one of the main reasons I decided to start this blog, the major life event that gave me permission (I suppose) to begin again, is the recent breakup I went through. It was an extremely loving, long, dare I say perfect relationship. Why did it have to end? I have already learned a great deal about myself and the nature of love and life from that heartbreaking experience, and I plan on sharing -- from the heart -- more and more as I feel able.
Χαλεπον δε το φιλησαι
χαλεπον το μη φιλησαι
χαλεποτερον δε το παντων
αποτυγχανειν φιλοντα
Friday, November 26, 2010
Open Communication
Happy Black Friday and belated Thanksgiving greetings to you all. Just woke up from a nap after my eight-hour shopping marathon (12am-8am). Just kidding. I hope you enjoyed some good food and company yesterday.
My conversations at the Thanksgiving dinner table yesterday have prompted me to write about our (i.e. human beings') need to share ourselves with each other. We are inherently social creatures, and the world continues to shrink thanks to the advent of technologies such as the internet and the cell phone. Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Tumblr, OkCupid, text messages and many more have all made intercommunication a snap. Literally.
In a lot of ways, this is really great. I can log onto facebook and instantly see the statuses of all 951 of my friends. (Godspell opens tonight at Turtle Lane!) I can look at recent photos of the wedding or party that I missed and comment on them. (Glad I didn't go to that one...) I can instantly see what's going on inside my friend's head even though he lives in California. (What kind of presents do you open on Thanksgiving, though??) I can meet tons of people online, learn about them, and then perhaps even meet them in person. (Cool or creepy?) I could go on and on. These are all wonderful distractions.
What worries me is that everything is designed to happen quickly, and people seem to be losing patience for anything that might be more time-consuming, such as writing a thoughtful and well-composed e-mail to a friend. Much easier to go to that person's facebook wall and write a quick remark. E-mail is literally overwhelming these days. Between my two main jobs, list serves, extracurricular groups and automated stuff I receive from Barnes and Noble, Macy's, Groupon, E-Bay, United Airlines (even though I try to unsubscribe from these services, they still send me e-mails!), I easily read between 50 and 100 emails a day, and I have to respond to and keep track of the majority. Madness! You need to write this course description. When can you meet to record the Christmas music? When are you free to rehearse? Please update me on my child's performance in your class. I can't be at choir this Sunday. Can you come to my party?
I thought getting a BlackBerry would help me keep up with it, but it turns out that I've just become addicted. I have no excuse now not to respond almost immediately. See? Just as I wrote that sentence, I just checked to see if someone had responded yet to an important email I wrote. Nope. BUT he did respond to another email that I sent around the same time. Why not to both? And of course, some people are just horrible communicators, and this trait is virtually unacceptable now in an age where all you need to do is press a few buttons and *BAM* you've communicated. Patience wears thin much more quickly than it used to.
So these technologies add unnecessary aggravation and stress to our lives in addition to making them simpler. And there are more philosophical questions here that intrigue me a great deal:
1) What do we choose to share with each other, and why? Is anything too private?
2) Does our online life affect the way we interact with people offline?
3) How does what we see and do online shape our perception of people?
4) What constitutes a "friend"?
5) How did we survive before, and could we go back?
The truth is that people are so complex that they are impossible to circumscribe in categories (likes, dislikes, favorites), yet our culture loves to categorize because doing so purportedly makes things easier to understand. Oversimplification is problematic! There's not a lot of room for change anymore. Once we say it, whatever "it" is, it's out there, and it's hard to take back. And it's too easy. Online media create the impression that people are mere snapshots of themselves. Snapshots are like statues. They aren't real. No one has it all figured out. Everything is a process. Everyone has issues they struggle with, questions without clear-cut answers, uncertainty... You might think that all of this newfangled technology should help us open up and talk, let each other know that we're not alone, but I think it just helps us hide more easily.
I still participate in all of this online hubbub. I just wonder if I'm warier than most.
What do you think?
My conversations at the Thanksgiving dinner table yesterday have prompted me to write about our (i.e. human beings') need to share ourselves with each other. We are inherently social creatures, and the world continues to shrink thanks to the advent of technologies such as the internet and the cell phone. Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Tumblr, OkCupid, text messages and many more have all made intercommunication a snap. Literally.
In a lot of ways, this is really great. I can log onto facebook and instantly see the statuses of all 951 of my friends. (Godspell opens tonight at Turtle Lane!) I can look at recent photos of the wedding or party that I missed and comment on them. (Glad I didn't go to that one...) I can instantly see what's going on inside my friend's head even though he lives in California. (What kind of presents do you open on Thanksgiving, though??) I can meet tons of people online, learn about them, and then perhaps even meet them in person. (Cool or creepy?) I could go on and on. These are all wonderful distractions.
What worries me is that everything is designed to happen quickly, and people seem to be losing patience for anything that might be more time-consuming, such as writing a thoughtful and well-composed e-mail to a friend. Much easier to go to that person's facebook wall and write a quick remark. E-mail is literally overwhelming these days. Between my two main jobs, list serves, extracurricular groups and automated stuff I receive from Barnes and Noble, Macy's, Groupon, E-Bay, United Airlines (even though I try to unsubscribe from these services, they still send me e-mails!), I easily read between 50 and 100 emails a day, and I have to respond to and keep track of the majority. Madness! You need to write this course description. When can you meet to record the Christmas music? When are you free to rehearse? Please update me on my child's performance in your class. I can't be at choir this Sunday. Can you come to my party?
I thought getting a BlackBerry would help me keep up with it, but it turns out that I've just become addicted. I have no excuse now not to respond almost immediately. See? Just as I wrote that sentence, I just checked to see if someone had responded yet to an important email I wrote. Nope. BUT he did respond to another email that I sent around the same time. Why not to both? And of course, some people are just horrible communicators, and this trait is virtually unacceptable now in an age where all you need to do is press a few buttons and *BAM* you've communicated. Patience wears thin much more quickly than it used to.
So these technologies add unnecessary aggravation and stress to our lives in addition to making them simpler. And there are more philosophical questions here that intrigue me a great deal:
1) What do we choose to share with each other, and why? Is anything too private?
2) Does our online life affect the way we interact with people offline?
3) How does what we see and do online shape our perception of people?
4) What constitutes a "friend"?
5) How did we survive before, and could we go back?
The truth is that people are so complex that they are impossible to circumscribe in categories (likes, dislikes, favorites), yet our culture loves to categorize because doing so purportedly makes things easier to understand. Oversimplification is problematic! There's not a lot of room for change anymore. Once we say it, whatever "it" is, it's out there, and it's hard to take back. And it's too easy. Online media create the impression that people are mere snapshots of themselves. Snapshots are like statues. They aren't real. No one has it all figured out. Everything is a process. Everyone has issues they struggle with, questions without clear-cut answers, uncertainty... You might think that all of this newfangled technology should help us open up and talk, let each other know that we're not alone, but I think it just helps us hide more easily.
I still participate in all of this online hubbub. I just wonder if I'm warier than most.
What do you think?
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